Why is motivation important

Is motivation important in everyday life?

Motivation is important in life
Motivation is important — Image by Clique Images @ unsplash

Of course motivation is important, and in almost every aspect of human behavior too. Why? Without it, we’d do nothing; not work, have no hobbies, and no meeting up with family or friends.

Do you wish you were more motivated sometimes? I think we all do. There are times like weekends when you just want to chill out in your pj’s, and that’s okay. But on other days, we need the motivation to go to the gym, walk the dogs or go to work.

In my previous post Is self-confidence important, the words motivation and action were mentioned briefly. We found out that if there’s no action, there’s no motivation. We also learned that action comes before, and motivation comes after, and with that, comes more motivation. In this post we’ll explore why it’s important.

So what is it?

Motivation causes you to act. adult blur books close up
Motivation causes you to act i.e. to study — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Motivation is the process that guides, initiates, and maintains goal-oriented behaviors.

It is what causes you to act, whether it is getting a glass of water to reduce thirst or reading a book to gain knowledge.

It involves the biological, emotional, social, and cognitive forces that activate behavior.”

Very Well Mind

Why it’s important

woman wearing grey long sleeved top photography
Motivation is the desire to do things -Photo by Artem Beliaikin Pexels.com

Motivation is a starting point for all our choices such as partners, careers, or hobbies. It’s the reason for people’s actions, desires and needs, it makes people ready to act. It’s the force that pushes us on to develop, to change, improve and to achieve. 

Psychology Today said “Motivation is literally the desire to do things. It’s the difference between waking up before dawn to pound the pavement and lazing around the house all day. It’s the crucial element in setting and attaining goals.”

In school or uni, if we’re motivated we learn better and remember more of what we learned. At work, we’re more likely to complete tasks on time, and in the gym, we’re more able to push ourselves that little bit further.

You can read about the 9 or 11 types of motivation, but broadly speaking, there are two main types:

Intrinsic motivation

Intrinsic motivation - woman wearing black sports bra and jogger shorts smiling
Intrinsic motivation — Photo by nappy on Pexels.com
  • is engaging in an activity for its own sake. You enjoy the activity because it’s fun or challenging, not because you’ll get a reward or avoid punishment.
  • where people are generally motivated by a desire to satisfy human needs and comes from within. It’s driven by a personal interest or enjoyment in the task itself, be that at work, in college or in sport. For example, you love tennis and you want to get better at it. You don’t want to compete in the next Olympics, you just want to play, and be better. You’d also love to wipe that smile of your big-headed pal’s face.
  • might come from a person’s own self-confidence and discipline, a desire to please their boss or do well for their company or the desire to achieve certain professional or personal goals.
  • results in growth, i.e. growth due to challenges you’ve overcome or are experiencing. This might come after a divorce or separation and mental or physical illness.
  • is clearly visible in young infants, that consistently try to grasp, throw, bite, squash or shout at new objects they encounter. Even if less important as they grow, human adults are still often intrinsically motivated while they play crosswords, make paintings, do gardening or just read novels or watch movies, according to Ryan and Deci (2000) 

Yet, to get a clearer picture of intrinsic motivation, one needs to understand that it has been defined by contrast to:

Extrinsic motivation

Extrinsic motivation such as money, silver and gold coins
Extrinsic motivation such as money — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
  • refers to behavior that is driven by external rewards such as praise, money, fame, or grades. This type of motivation arises from outside the individual.
  • can be driven by psychological or tangible rewards. The psychological rewards like praise, positive feelings or lack of criticism can sometimes come from within. However, they’re a type of motivating reward that is external to the actual process of participating in the event. The tangible rewards like new toys, a bonus at work or extra pocket money are simply always external.
  • refers to doing something not because you enjoy it, but because you want to earn a reward or avoid punishment.
  • where you don’t want to do something, but you must do it, i.e. take various medications each day. It feels more out of necessity rather than an activity that will bring you enjoyment or fulfilment.

Do you look forward to your daily workout because you have a bet with your best friend about who can lose the most weight? Then you’re extrinsically motivated — in this situation, at least. We’re never just intrinsically or extrinsically motivated. We can be either or, in different situations.

So now we know that motivation is important, what it is, and the two main types. In my next post we’ll explore little or no motivation, and what to do about it. In the meantime:

Over to you

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While I felt motivated to complete this topic in one post, I honestly don’t have the energy. When researching this article, I saw several google suggestions as to How to motivate yourself when you’re tired, fatigued or just plain exhausted! I haven’t read these Bullsh*t claims yet but once I do, I’ll let you have my opinion. I might just have to eat my words 😉 As always, I’m happy to read any comments, receive constructive criticism and answer any questions.

Caz

Find out why men won’t discuss their mental health

9+ reasons why men won’t discuss their mental health:

Grey scale image of man standing close to the edge of a cliff, contemplating suicide.
Man contemplating suicide —
Image by alamy.com

It’s Men’s Mental Health week (15th -21st June, 2020) and my brother comes to mind. He lives with bipolar disorder and it breaks my heart seeing him struggle. So for him, I’ve chosen to repost this article Learn why men won’t discuss their mental health.

The Priory (A Private Care Group 2015) commissioned a survey in 2015 to uncover men’s attitudes to their own mental health. It concluded that 40% of men won’t talk to anyone about their mental health. Some of the reasons given were:

  1. Some say they just deal with it, or they’ve learnt how to ignore it
  2. Many would say they’re too embarrassed to admit to it
  3. They’re afraid of the stigma
  4. They don’t want to burden anyone i.e. wife, partner, best friend
  5. Some don’t want to admit they need support or don’t want to come across as weak and
  6. some say they don’t have anyone to talk to
  7. They don’t feel comfortable even talking to their GP, worried they’re wasting their Doctors’ time
  8. Afraid if they mention it, they’ll lose their job or their partner
  9. Worry that by displaying their vulnerability, they’ll lose the respect of others.

Mental illness is ‘living hell’

Grey scale image of a young man struggling with emotional imbalance.
Man in mental pain – Image by
Talkspace.com

Mental illness is at best, very unpleasant and at worst, it’s absolute hell. In the western world, it’s a major reason for people having to take time off work. Yet many men still don’t like to admit to their bosses that they’re stressed or that they have a mental illness, they’d rather invent some other excuse.

As a mental health nurse, I had the honour of working with hundreds of strong and amazing men. Each had their own humbling story about how they got to where they were, and I shed tears on more than one occasion. However, despite all the care and support in the world, some patients just couldn’t hold on — I know of many male suicides, and it never got any easier to hear.

Fact — There were 6,507 suicides registered in the UK in 2018, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS). Three-quarters of these deaths (4,903) were among men.

Why the problem with men and their mental health?

Grey scale image of man holding onto a noose hanging from above
Shadow of sad man hanging – Image by istockphoto.com

Does it come down to the way men were brought up and the messages they learned at home or in the playground? “Don’t be such a cissy” or “You big girl’s blouse”. These are dated and dysfunctional responses to little boys and we have much to do to change all this.

Men need to understand that mental illness isn’t shameful or a sign of weakness. It’s a real and common medical issue, and everyone who suffers deserves help.

Sometimes men cover thing up by using subtle language like they’re down the pub with a pal and say “Oh, you know what it’s like, sometimes you just want to be on your own” instead of “I feel really down, can I talk to you?” Perhaps they snap at their partner “You wouldn’t know how damn hard my job is” when maybe they mean “I feel like I’m being picked on at work, can we chat about it?

Furthermore, tho’ more women are diagnosed with mental health problems, men are less likely to seek help. They’re also more likely to commit suicide, mainly before the age of 50. Because men don’t like to admit to having a mental illness, they’re not accessing mental health services, and so — they go undiagnosed and untreated.

Some symptoms you might notice

Mental health signs and symptoms can vary, depending on the diagnosis, and can affect your thoughts, feelings and behaviors. Being able to recognize and accept the signs that you or someone you know might have a mental health disorder is the first step. Symptoms might include:

Grey scale image of man's face, tears running down. Men's mental health matters!
Sad and crying – Image by
Leandro de Carvalho at pixabay.com
  1. Extreme mood changes of highs and lows — different from your ‘normal’ mental state and for more than two weeks
  2. Hopelessness, or anhedonia (a loss of pleasure from things that used to provide enjoyment)
  3. Confused thinking, unable to make simple decisions and reduced ability to concentrate
  4. Significant low energy, tiredness, or problems sleeping, constantly waking up early i.e. 3-4 a.m.
  5. Constant restlessness, can’t sit still, fidgeting
  6. Detachment from reality (delusions), paranoia or hallucinations (hearing voices or seeing things that other people can’t see).
  7. Excessive fears or worries, or extreme feelings of guilt/shame
  8. Unable to understand and relate to situations and to people – might come across as confused when they try to interact
  9. Inability to cope with activities of daily living i.e. not eating or drinking (non-alcoholic) enough and inability to tend self-care
  10. Displaying excessive hostility, anger, or violence — masking underlying physical or mental disorders
  11. Changes in alcohol or drug intake — they could be self-medicating
  12. Withdrawal from friends and activities
  13. Major changes in sex drive
  14. Suicidal thoughts and ideation

While lots of people have some of these symptoms some of the time, it’s very different to mental health symptoms. With depression for example, your GP would expect you to have a cluster of symptoms, all at the same time and for more than 2 weeks.

How to help a man experiencing mental illness

Are you or someone you know experiencing mental illness? Are you having suicidal thoughts? Would you know what to do?

This man, like many other, needs mental help.
Lone man – Is he suicidal? -Image Pexel.com
  1. You can be there for them, just listening and I know this is hard but — don’t interrupt, listen actively (for more on listening skills see here).
  2. Tell them they will get through this, they will stay safe and these thoughts will pass.
  3. Ask if they’re having suicidal thoughts and if so, do they have any intent i.e. do they have a plan and the means — if they do, you need to call their GP or other professional. *Asking if someone is suicidal will not make them go and do it! And stay with them ’til help arrives
  4. Do not give advice if you’re not a trained mental health professional, you might give the wrong advice. Instead, offer information and signpost them or take them to the appropriate services.
  5. Try not to ask them why they feel depressed/anxious/suicidal — it’s not helpful right now and all you’ll likely get is a list of reasons — think on, what would you do with all this?
  6. Try not to offer platitudes, rather reflect, paraphrase, summarize. You’ll get more if you ask open-ended rather than closed (yes or no) questions. And don’t be scared about silences or filling the gaps.
  7. Let them know they’re not a burden and tell them that you’ll get through this together but — don’t make promises you can’t keep, if you let them down, that might make them feel worse.
  8. Tell them they’re not alone; many others experience mental illness and lead fulfilling lives — they have good jobs and are contributing towards society, they’re married or dating, they have good social lives and they’re able to carry out their activities of daily living.

What more can you do?

  1. Explain that some mental illnesses are a result of chemical changes in the brain — it’s not about being weak and failing — at times we live in a hostile, stressful, demanding and right now, a scary world.
  2. Some symptoms of a mental illness mimic physical illnesses at times, such as headaches, general aches and pains so they must see a GP to see if there’s any underlying physical problems that need treatment.
  3. You can’t force someone to access professional care, but you can support them in making an appointment with a mental health professional and you can offer to go with them?
  4. If someone has self-harmed or is considering doing so, take the person to the hospital or call for emergency help.
  5. Don’t make throw away statement such as “You can’t be depressed, you’ve got a nice car, a big house etc.” If a man says he’s feeling anxious or depressed — trust me, he is!
  6. If you think someone is showing signs of psychosis and they’re paranoid, try to remain calm, give them reassurances that they’re safe with you and that no harm will come to them — stay with them — only if it’s safe to do so! Otherwise, be aware, stay safe and call for emergency help immediately.

So how can we reduce this gap and improve men’s mental health?

We should be able to openly discuss men's mental health.
Little boys and girls need education
– Image by Pexels.com

Hugh Martin, founder of counselling service Man Enough, says the first step is to encourage conversations within organisations – such as sporting clubs, groups and workplaces – making space available for men to talk about how they’re going.

More than that; we need to be teaching our children about men’s mental health, emotions and how to manage or cope with them.

Let little boys know it’s okay to cry if they’re hurt or sad. Show them pictures of different faces, showing anger, smiles, laughing, shy, happy and sad – get them to point to a face that will explain how they’re feeling right now. Never tell them “big boy’s don’t cry.”

What do you think?
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Would you be able to help a man who’s experiencing mental health problems? What’s your experience of men and their emotional difficulties? I’d love to hear your comments and I’m happy to answer any questions.

You may find the following articles useful:

  • Anxiety in men
  • Reading a previous post 19 free mental health apps just for you here
  • Or Tips to help with your anxiety and panic attacks here
  • Attending a self-help course in person or online
  • There’s A powerful new mental health book featuring personal experiences from men and their partners urges men to open up – not ‘man up’. Big Boys Don’t Cry? contains 60 individual anecdotes from men working in a diverse range of careers from lawyers, postmen and soldiers to construction workers, Big Issue sellers and elite sports stars.

Related: Men’s mental health Monday. The science behind serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin and endorphins (1). 76% of suicides are committed by men (2). Men and mental health (3).

My depression and anxiety – Guest post

I’ve had depression and anxiety for years

I’m delighted to have this Guest Post written by Charli from Life with Charli: Depression and Anxiety: The Start of a Recovery Journey. I’ve just recently come across her blog which she started to help inspire and motivate others! She certainly inspires me and I think you might appreciate what she has to say.

I made my first visit to a mental health clinic this year. I’ve been dealing with depression and anxiety since I was a child, but am only now getting help as an adult. I often had suicidal thoughts. Also, whenever my anxiety stated flaring up, I would start shaking uncontrollably and feeling nauseous. I’ve actually seriously considered seeing a therapist twice before finally seeking help, but eventually decided against that decision. It’s definitely been a long road to get to where I am today.

It started as a small child

Depression can start in childhood - little girl
Depression can start in childhood

For starters, I didn’t realize that I needed help in the first place. When I was a small child, I didn’t fully realize that the thoughts I was having were a problem. I didn’t understand what I was experiencing. During my teen years, however, a part of me started to feel that something with my mental health was off. I never really opened up about my thoughts to anyone, not even my family members. I was too scared to share those feelings, too ashamed.

When I was a child, my parents and everyone who met me described me as “happy”. I was always smiling, and as I grew older, I learned to smile even when I wasn’t happy. Pretending that I’m always ok started to become harder once I reached adulthood. I could no longer hide how I was truly feeling. However, I still didn’t want to open up to anyone. I was still trying to keep my struggles bottled up inside. I wasn’t truly hiding though. Others were able to see something was wrong.

It dragged on thro’ college years

Depression during college years - young female
Depression during college years

My depression and anxiety started to become more of a serious problem during my college years, and this was not very easy to hide. I started becoming very irritable and easily offended. This started affecting my relationship with my family. Moreover, I had a small panic attack in front of a professor twice. Both professors noticed and tried to make sure I was ok. I also broke down in the disability office of my college, and one of the concerned workers in the office told me she is a licensed counsellor if I needed to talk to someone.

Others noticing my struggles was not the only sign that I needed help. I started seeing a new doctor late in my college years, and her office gives patients a mental health questionnaire at the beginning of every visit. I’d mostly lie on them as I wasn’t ready to open up, to talk about my suicidal thoughts. Just thinking about seeing a therapist made my anxiety flare up.

All the different scenarios that could take place would run through my mind whenever I thought about getting help. I was afraid of being put on medication or that I’d be forced into a mental health institution for treatment. Moreover, I was afraid of what people around me would think of me if they knew about my struggles. I was especially afraid of what my family would think.

Lastly, I was afraid of letting go of the views I held on to about mental health for so long. I am a Christian, and I struggled with feeling like my mental health issues meant that my faith is weak. Those fears kept me from reaching out for help the two times I felt I was ready to.

Accepting help

I started my blog last year in March. Interacting with other bloggers, and seeing how open many of them are with their mental health conditions was inspiring. I realized how freeing it can be to open up about our struggles. I was also beginning to grow tired of trying to fix my problems on my own. It was time for me to seek help. I was scared at first, but I wasn’t willing to let my anxiety stop me this time.

I started seeing a therapist regularly, and I recently even decided to start taking antidepressants. Both have been helping tremendously. I even began talking with my family about my struggles and my suicidal thoughts. One of my siblings told me that she has never had suicidal thoughts, and never thought she would be better off gone. Talking with her and the rest of my family made me realize that I really did need help.

4 Important Lessons

Since I started going to therapy and taking antidepressants, I’ve learned four important lessons:

  1. I learned that my fears about what happens when someone reaches out for help with mental health issues were unwarranted.
  2. My mental health struggles don’t make me any less of a Christian. Christians can have mental illnesses too.
  3. Medication for mental illnesses might not be the answer for every person with a mental illness, but they definitely can help for some. There is no shame in giving them a try.
  4. Opening up about my mental health struggles was definitely liberating, and I’m glad I reached out for help.

Over to you

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ClipArt.com

What can we learn from Charli’s journey? Do you have any thoughts or comments on this honest and open post about Charli’s journey? Any questions? In the meantime, stay safe and look after your own mental wellbeing.

If anxiety was a person I’d punch it right in the face

My journey through anxiety and more – Part XI

This is the 11th in a series of “My journey through Anxiety, panic attacks, depression and psychosis. Please click here for Parts I, II, III, IV, V , VI, VII, VIII, IX, and X if you wish to read the backstory (It might make more sense).

For those of you who don’t know, I started writing about my journey six months ago and only ever intended to write it in four posts. However, it’s become clear that my journey through mental illness was a lot longer and more painful than I remembered. That’s made it difficult to get the words down on paper at times. I’ve taken many breaks and written lots of other posts in between, giving me time to reflect and bounce back a bit stronger each time.

I’d had enough!

……….. I told him to pack his things and leave before I got home from night shift in the morning.

Night shift on a mental health ward

Lady in red dress and white sandals hanging from a rope around her neck
Shocked? You should be! Female patient strangled herself

After our patients had had their night medication, the support nurse went to complete the half hourly observations. This meant checking each bedroom or cubicle to ensure everyone was accounted for and alive.

I was in the office when a roar from the end of the corridor alerted me and I raced towards noise. Oh, Jesus! A female patient had strangled herself with the belt from her robe. Her face was a horrible shade of purple and she appeared not to be breathing. My anxiety levels just shot through the roof and I felt the colour drain from my face.

I helped untangle the belt from round her neck and felt for a pulse, but there was nothing. Jesus, I’d only been a mental health nurse for two months and I was near paralysed with fear. “Get the crash trolley,” I yelled down the ward to Maria the third nurse on duty. Sarah was a favourite of mine and there was no way I’d let her die, not on my watch.

Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) on a mental health ward

Down on my knees now, I fumbled, trying to find the right place to press (the breastbone is pushed down firmly and smoothly, so that the chest is pressed down between 5–6 cm) then started CPR (at a rate of 100 to 120 chest compressions per minute – that’s around 2 per second, British Heart Foundation).

I could feel the sweat dripping down my back and the trembling in my arms as I continued 1.2.34.5……… 30, for what felt like a lifetime. All the while, I was trying to keep calm, as this was no place for my impending panic attack. Concentrate, concentrate Caz, you can do this, concentrate. Finally Maria arrived with the crash trolley and I asked her to take over while I ran to call the Crash Team.

Crying with relief

I turned to sprint back to the office but stumbled and fell forward with a thud and landing awkwardly. I immediately felt searing pain in my right shoulder. Still, I got up as quickly as I fell and dashed to put a call out “Cardiac arrest on Violet Ward.” This relays a crackly radio message to the Cardiac and Rapid Response Teams. When they get that message, they race from the general side to the Mental Health, side pretty damn quick.

Four doctors dressed in scrubs, running down a corridor
Emergency Crash Team running to
an emergency

I’d all but forgotten my own burning pain as I ran back see what was happening. On my way, I guided any inquizitive patients back to bed and tried to reassure them all was well.

I took over the CPR and rather stupidly, wept with relief when Sarah started showing signs of regaining consciousness. Her eyes were flickering and she was trying to catch her breathe. She now had a pulse, albeit a weak one. Just then, the Crash Team arrived and took control.

Caught wearing a tired grey bra

Male Doctor, white scrubs and stethoscope
Duty Doctor —Image from Freepik

Sarah had survived, but was still taken over to the general side to be observed overnight. The Duty Senior Nurse was in our office making sure we were all okay when someone let on that I’d fallen. The cute young Duty Doctor came to see me and all I could think was “What bra have I got on” when he asked me to undress to assess any damage. Only I could be wearing a comfortable but tatty old bra that looked like I’d washed the floor with it! The shame.

Despite the agony, I didn’t complain too much so the Doctor suggested I go home and return to A&E tomorrow if the pain got worse. It was just past eleven p.m. and I called to let the boys know I’d be on my way home. Only it was Ian who answered, drunk and stoned, so I hung up and got a taxi home.

He should have been gone. Aaarrgghhh……. I sure as hell was in no mood for more of his spiteful crap. Once home, I ignored him and went straight up to our bedroom when I got home. I managed to sleep with some pillows propping up my right arm and woke at dawn, in agony.

A slap in the face

Lady with right arm in a sling
Broken collar bone — Image from Amazon UK

Back to the hospital, where they confirmed that I’d broken my collarbone and torn my rotator cuff tendons (muscles and tendons that attach the arm to shoulder blade). I was put in a sling, given strong painkillers and sent home to rest up. But before I left, I went to see how Sarah was. I got a slap in the face, albeit a light one, cos she was mad that we’d saved her. Of course, I told her, I’d do it again.

My painkillers were starting to kick in and I was feeling kinda woozy so any anxiety I’d had about facing Ian all but disappeared. For f*ck sake! The whiff of beer and cannabis about knocked me out as I opened the front door. It was just two in the afternoon, for crying out loud.

Still, I was delighted to see all his boxes stacked in the hall, “Wakey, wakey, time to go,” I sang cheerfully.

The drunk driver and a mad man

Ladies face with tears of pain
Crying in pain

“Can I borrow the car?” slurred Ian as he staggered towards me, hand out for the keys. It would have been funny if he hadn’t been so serious. “Nope! Get a taxi,” I smiled. With that, he lunged at me and grabbed my wrist viciously. “Aaarrgghhh!” I screeched in pain and anger, hanging onto my arm and cursing under my breath.

At that, I heard “Mama,” and Nic was hurtling down the stairs behind me, “What did he do, did he hurt you Mama?” I hadn’t realised he was home from school. Ian shot out the front door and Nic was charging round the kitchen like a madman, cursing furiously. He yanked the front door open and threw out every one of Ian’s carefully packed boxes. Ian looked on helplessly as glassware, cd cases and electronic equipment crashed down onto the road.

The neighbours were out, wide-eyed at the the scene unfolding and I don’t know what was funniest. Ian’s look of helplessness or Nik holding every last piece of luggage high above his head before throwing it as far as he could. The door thudded shut! Nic was trembling and pale with anger, he turned to me tearfully, whispering “I’m sorry Mama.”

We hugged and cried, but this time we cried with laughter. Ian was calling across the road “Can you get us a taxi?”

Over to you

Big red question mark with little white character leaning against it, pondering
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I’ll end here for now and hope you’ll stay with me for the next part. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your thoughts and please feel free to ask any questions.

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