Author: mentalhealth360.uk

My tips for dealing with anxiety

Are you dealing with anxiety and need some useful tips? I lived and worked with anxiety for many years and you might find my tips come in handy.

The likelihood is you (like most of us) have experienced anxiety in your life; perhaps before a driving test, an exam, or another important life event.

Experiencing some anxiety is normal, but if it’s so strong that it interferes with your being able to carry out your normal day-to-day activities, it’s considered to be an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety disorders are very common. The prevalence of anxiety disorders across the world varies from 2.5 to 7 percent by country.

Globally an estimated 284 million people experienced an anxiety disorder in 2017, making it the most prevalent mental health disorder. Around 63 percent (179 million) were female, relative to 105 million males.

When is anxiety a mental health disorder?

Some anxiety is necessary — it helps us react to stresses or potential threats, by quickening our reflexes and focusing our attention i.e. if a lorry’s hurtling towards you you’re able to jump out of the way. The anxiety usually settles once the stressful situation has passed. 

Anxiety can become a mental health problem if it impacts your ability to live your life as fully as you want to. For example, it may be a problem if:

• your feelings of anxiety are very strong or last for a long time
• your fears or worries are out of proportion to the situation
• you avoid situations that might cause you to feel anxious
• your worries feel very distressing or are hard to control
• you regularly experience symptoms of anxiety, which could include panic attacks
• you find it hard to go about your everyday life or do things you enjoy.

If your symptoms fit a particular set of medical criteria then you might be diagnosed with a particular anxiety disorder. But it’s also possible to experience problems with anxiety without having a specific diagnosis.

What anxiety feels like

I experienced most of the common physical symptoms of anxiety: muscle tension, headaches, backaches, a clenched jaw, feeling keyed up, restless, and “on edge”, as well as difficulty concentrating.

These symptoms are a side effect of our body’s attempts to protect us; blood moves around our body and brain, into our large muscles, like our arms, legs, back, and neck, to get us ready to ”fight” or to “flee.”

“Have you ever had that feeling you get when the roller coaster is about to thunder 100 feet down and for a split second you think you’re going to fall out?

But as you reach the bottom that feeling passes……………..

Imagine that feeling being stuck there, forever. Your chest is thumping, you’re struggling to breathe and your mouth is so dry……. that fear and sense of dread never leaving you……….”

You’ll have your own set of jumbled thoughts and feelings if you experience anxiety; not everyone feels it in the same way. But I know it feels rotten anyway!

Fortunately (hmmm?), I no longer have internal sensation from below my underarms down to my feet because of MS. It helps that I have no physical sensation of anxiety because that’s what led to the automatic negative thoughts that fed my anxiety………

What actually happens in anxiety

There are 3 parts to an anxiety problem: anxious thoughts, the emotion of anxiety itself, and anxious behaviours:

(1) Negative thoughts i.e. “I’ll fail all my exams”, “I’m always going to have panic attacks”, “I shouldn’t have shouted at the kids this morning, I’m such a bad mum/dad” or “I’ll get thrown out of my home cos I can’t pay the rent” etc.

(2) Negative physical feelings i.e. stomach-churning, heart palpitating, sweating, dry mouth, shaking, nausea, vomiting. Negative emotional feelings i.e. sadness, fear, disgust, shame.

(4) Negative behaviour i.e. stealing your friend’s anxiety medication, isolating yourself, turning to alcohol or illicit drugs.

So, let’s clarify, the 3 parts of anxiety are thoughts, feelings (physical and emotional) and behaviours. You might think your anxiety appears from nowhere, but — it starts with any one of the 3 parts and snowballs from there.

If your negative interpretations of situations aren’t challenged, the patterns of thoughts, feelings, and behaviours can be repeated as part of a debilitating and unpleasant cycle. It starts as small as a snowball, rolling down the slopes, then it gathers momentum, gets bigger………. and before you know it — you’re starting to panic.

My top tips for dealing with anxiety

Not every tip will work for every person. What helps you might be different to the coping skills I’ve used. But, whatever our various methods, we need to be able to deal with our own anxiety.

The very first thing you must do is breathe………… very slowly, out through your mouth as much as you can. Then slowly, in through your nose as far as you can and feel young lungs fill right up. Very slowly out thro’ your mouth, then in thro’ your nose………. and do this say 5-6 times.

I won’t bore you with the scientific reason that this does work but you can read it here. However, just know that it will have a physical effect on the mind; deep breathing helps to relax a major nerve that runs from the diaphragm to the brain, sending a message to the entire body to let go and loosen up.

So, the instant your anxiety begins — do the above breathing exercise. This will slow your heart rate and give you time to calm down. You can do this anywhere; at the bus stop, in a staff meeting, and nobody has to notice.

Relax your body by first unclenching your jaw, go on….. give it a little wiggle. Let your shoulders drop down from your ears. Uncurl your clenched fists and lay your palms lightly on your thighs. Uncross your legs and let your feet rest lightly on the floor.

So, relax your body and breathe slowly out thro’ your nose……… When your body is relaxed it will send messages to your mind letting it know you are relaxed, and your mind will follow suit. Remember, your body cannot be tense if it is relaxed, and vice versa.

Become an expert on relaxation techniques

and practice them often so that you’ll be able to use them immediately you start to become anxious. Some people say “Yeah, I’ve all tried that but it doesn’t work!”

Trying anything once will not make you an expert. It takes practice, practice, and more practice! You wouldn’t be driving on the motorway if you just had one driving lesson, would you?

Relaxation can take many forms i.e. Mindfulness, yoga, visualisation, meditation, light exercise or stretching, or listening to restful music. You don’t need special yoga mats, candles, cushions etc, but they might help you feel more comfortable. Like the breathing exercise, these techniques will have a relaxing physical effect on your mind.

If you’re out in public find somewhere safe and comfortable to sit until you’ve calmed down. If you can or want to, sip a cool drink — don’t gulp or you might find yourself (like me) choking. Breathe, and go through your relaxation techniques.

If you can, talk to someone you trust and let them know you feel anxious. They’ll be able to reassure you that you’re safe and it’s normal to feel anxious under the circumstances i.e. going for a job interview, a driving test, or preparing for a presentation.

Seek out professional help as soon as possible — your workplace or school/university might provide this free of charge. A therapist will be able to support you in finding coping skills that will help relieve anxiety.

Over to you

If you’re anything like me, you’ll have tried most things before settling on what works best for you. Acupuncture was great for my panic attacks but I still had to learn effective coping techniques as I didn’t have my acupuncturist in my pocket. What works for you? Can you share any tried and tested tips?

Chronic illness and the need to pace yourself

In my previous post “The need to pace yourself if you have a chronic illness“ we looked at:

• Why, if we don’t learn to pace ourselves, we’ll crash and burn
• Types of chronic illness; both mental and physical
• Where we might be going wrong
• Chronic illness and the Spoon Theory and
• The Push-crash Cycle

Moving on to understanding HOW we can pace ourselves

My youngest son is a Physiotherapist and, since I started this post last Monday and have been unable to finish it, we’ve talked a lot about understanding our limits.

He reminded me that pushing myself means more pain, yet avoiding any activity at all will also lead to more pain. He explained how pacing myself will help me to stay active, and how I’ll be able to get the things I love doing (or need to do) done with minimal pain.

We looked at how using the paced approach will give me a way to break down everyday activities and exercise into smaller bits; it means doing little bits often, and then resting.

He’s suggested 10 minutes of rest after 10-15 minutes of activity to get my heart rate back down. I’ll still be able to get things done, albeit a little more slowly, but this way I’m neither overdoing nor underdoing. I’ll be stopping the push-crash cycle that can take me days to recover.

Essentially, I’ll be using a Spoon (unit of energy) and then getting one back during my resting period, so I don’t crash before I even get to noon! Because I love visualisation I’m able to see my spoonful of energy going down with any activity, and back up after resting.

You might have another way of seeing your spoon? And you might find the above information given by a Physiotherapist useful too.

What you can do to pace yourself

I’ll use my 10 minutes of rest to do some mindfulness, stretching or more visualisation, after which I feel rested and relaxed.

Watching t.v. or reading a book, or even writing down the chores I’ve remembered is a no-no! That doesn’t help (me).

And that’s where I was going wrong. I understand now that I need to switch off completely; give my thinking brain a rest! However, if you find reading or watching a film restful, then you can continue to use your rest period that way.

Ways you can get back some of the energy you’ve used to minimize symptoms and improve your quality of life:

• Organisation is key in pacing, and it helps me feel grounded. Being disorganised can create chaos for me.
• List all your tasks, chores, appointments, and exercise routine (daily/weekly) then separate them into has to be done and can-wait til…………….
• Delegate where possible — is there someone else that can do the task?
• Be mindful of each task as you’re completing it, that way you’re focusing on that one thing alone and not leaping to the next task.
• Self-care — and this doesn’t have to mean bubble baths and candles, but take that relaxing bubble bath anyway. Just simple things like remembering to brush your teeth and enjoying that lovely clean taste will slow down the pace.
• Be mindful when you’re eating. Turn the t.v. or music off. Chew your food and enjoy the different tastes and textures.
• Do some breathing exercises, mindfulness or visualisation. You’ll also find heaps of these exercises on the internet ad Youtube.
• Play your favourite track and really listen to it, enjoy the music and the lyrics; while you take time to breathe.
• Spend some time with nature; whether it’s in your own garden or out in a local park. World Mental Health Week (10th – 16th May) has now passed but their theme 2021 was Spending time with nature. The Mental Health Foundation wrote “Research showed going for walks outside was one of our top coping strategies and 45% of us reported being in green spaces had been vital for our mental health.“

‘There is something to be wondered at in all of Nature’

Aristotle

More you can do to improve your quality of life

• Go for a walk round one of your favourite parks, by the river or the coast; just amble and listen out for the birds, and take a look at the flowers and greenery.
• You might enjoy cooking or baking — it’s something I love but I still have to be mindful of the stress it can create, so I’ll rest as my pots simmer.
• Call or visit a supportive friend, the one who wants nothing more from you than a warm chat — not Auntie Joannie who constantly whines, saps your energy and always asks favours of you.
• Do some stretching out on your sofa, bed or floor, and breathe…….
• Spend time with a pet — in or outdoors.
• Read a lighthearted book, blog, or magazine; not something that gets you wound up or takes any energy.
• Do some form of exercise, whether it’s indoors or out. Exercise is well known to be an antidote to depression and many other mental health disorders.

You’ll have your own list of tasks or chores and various ways of relaxing; having some downtime. But you must remember to rest after each activity!

Over to you

Are you organised and manage to get through your to-do list? Or are you chaotic like me (the old me), dashing from one thing to another, pushing then burn? Do you manage to get some rest during your busy day or do you just soldier on?

Do you have any tips for others? I’d love to hear your thoughts and I’m happy to answer any questions.

Caz

A collaborative post on Why we need Awareness on Workspace Bullying

Kally of Middle Me kindly allowed me to reblog her post on Why We Need Awareness on Workspace Abuse. It’s a subject close to my heart and I’m really happy to be sharing this article with you. Thank you Kally.

I’ve also written about Workplace Bullies and Stand up to Workplace Bullies if you’d like to read more on the topic.

Kally writes:

I choose to share this topic because it is very dear to me. In fact, I have friends who are going through workplace abuse. Many of them are trying to either find a new job or trying to report to their HR.

Workplace abuse is a serious matter! However, it was hardly in the spotlight until the Harvey Weinstein scandal in Hollywood. Even that still feels somewhat unreal to us because well, it’s Hollywood where make-believe magic comes alive.

Enjoy my piece of contribution and if you’d like to read others’ too, here’s the link: Awareness – Skilled Helpers Collaborative

In recent years, there is a growing movement that is advocating for the elimination of workspace abuse. Cases, where employees were abused by their fellow employees, have been increasing in recent years. Some cases are so severe that it has caused companies to be under scrutiny.

While there is some action by companies to stop it, it’s clear that it’s a culture that continues to persist. But why is it happening despite calls for it to end? What can be done to make it an issue that companies must react to immediately?

Bullying in the Workplace is a Taboo HR Subject

A major reason why workspace abuse persists is that it’s a subject HR wants to avoid tackling at all costs. There can be many reasons why this is the case. It could be because of the “power” held by those involved, especially those who bully the victim.

If the bully has an important position in the company, HR will have a nightmare trying to replace them. Directors will pressure them into laying off the issue. It’s also possible that some HR teams or the company do not have a clear policy on workspace abuse.

Awareness means more people can self-protect

Whichever the reason may be as to why HR doesn’t want to tackle any bullying claims in the workplace, it’s important that employees take a stand against it. Some victims do not report their situation because they are not aware of the company’s anti-workspace abuse policies.

By building awareness, these people will be able to protect themselves and find support if needed. It will also open discussions on how others can help protect those who are victimised without fearing possible retaliation from those who abuse or bully others.

Train colleagues and managers to detect signs of bullying

One should also launch or request training for everyone to participate. There are special training courses to combat workplace abuse, and they include ways on how to identify workspace abuse as it happens, how to stop it and how to resolve it.

Some training courses may even help people discover what behaviours should be avoided to prevent bullying and empower others to report bullying cases without fear.

Allow abuse to be anonymously reported

Some victims of bullying and workplace abuse don’t want to report their situation because they fear that they will be ostracized for speaking out, which can lead to further abuse.

Others don’t want to report because the ones who are bullying them are more powerful than them. Those who see bullying do not report because the bullies may turn against them and transform them into victims. Some may not want to get involved at all and ignore what they see before them.

In this case, it is important to have communication and support systems that will allow these victims to report abuse situations. Ask your company to set up a hotline that anyone can dial to speak about abuse cases or get help if they feel they are being targeted.

If that is not possible, look for organisations who can provide assistance and list down their contact details so everyone in the workplace can get help. Surveys can also help employees raise their concerns regarding bullying, especially when they see someone being bullied or experiencing it.

HR and Managers to take reports of abuse seriously

If companies want workspace abuse to end, HR and managers should change their stance regarding the issue and take each report seriously. HR officers and managers are keen to get everyone working productively to keep the company growing.

However, if workers are not happy because of the toxic and abusive work environment, productivity will decrease and result in unhappy workers. If it continues unresolved, the company may lose the precious talents they need to get the company to flourish.

If you are the HR officer or the team leader, listen to the discussions in the workplace and try to get to know everyone’s position. You can sit down with them, hear out their concerns and find a solution that everyone can agree on. You should also be a model for the rest of the employees to emulate, especially when dealing and working with others.

Openly discuss the effects of workplace abuse on individuals

Finally, workspace abuse is very serious and can have lasting impacts on its victims. When it comes to their health, victims of workspace abuse can experience anxiety, high-stress levels, panic attacks and even ulcers. Some may even show a loss of energy and high blood pressure, which can lead to serious health complications in the future.

With their physical and mental health declining due to abuse, they will slowly lose their motivation to work and find it hard to focus because all they think about is how to get away from their bullies. Some may even feel isolated or trapped in their situation, further affecting their mindset.

Have regular talks to discuss the effects of workplace abuse with the entire team. You can invite an expert to speak about these impacts so that employees who may have been victimized by abusers can ask questions.

If you can’t do these talks, have resources available for everyone to read and discuss with each other. Remember to be sensitive when discussing these issues and don’t judge others if you see them react to the topic being addressed.

If we want our workspace to stay productive and welcoming for all, we must do our part in ensuring that no one will be subjected to abuse. Whether you are a regular employee or a team leader, it is crucial that you step in and lead the initiative to fight against it.

As more and more people become aware of the impacts of workplace abuse, there will definitely be changes in the workplace that will improve it for the better.

Over to you

I hope you found this post interesting. Have you been bullied, abused or harassed at work? Did you do anything about it and (whether you answered yes or no) can you tell us about it? Kally and I look forward to reading your comments and answering any questions.

If you haven’t already seen Kally’s MiddleMe, you might want to drop by. It’s a goldmine of current information about almost anything from how to apply for jobs to relationship advice.

Do you know why you need to pace yourself

Do you know why you need to pace yourself if you have a chronic illness? The truth is, if you don’t, you’ll eventually crash and burn!

Chronic illness is pretty far-reaching in its effects, touching every aspect of our lives. It affects whether or not we can work, our mental state, our relationships and friendships, our income, our hopes and wishes, together with our sense of self.

Even after having a chronic illness for 10 years, I’ve only just realised today that I need to pace myself. I’ve pushed myself too hard too often and it’s having an adverse effect both physically and mentally.

I feel like I’m perpetually on a hamster wheel, going round and round but not getting any one thing done — completely. Or I feel like I’m juggling twenty balls all at once. And at some point, they’ll all just hit the floor.

Ergo, I do nothing! So here’s the rub ……. I swing from doing a million things at once to doing nothing, nada, zilch!

Physical disability can slow you down

I have Transverse Myelitis (TM), a physical disability with too many symptoms to talk about all at once, let’s just say that apart from

• Inflammatory Pain: An abnormal inflammation caused by an inappropriate response by the body’s immune system…..
• Neuropathic Pain: Pain caused by nerve irritation. …
• Functional Pain: Pain without obvious origin, but can cause pain……. i.e. arthritis …………

I’m also prone to chronic fatigue and doing any task for more than ten minutes can knock me out. The following symptoms also occur:

• I start to perspire (ladies don’t sweat) profusely
• my pulse races
• my vision is impaired, it’s like a fog
• the blood rushes from my head, my lips, hands and feet go white
• I can’t catch my breath and it feels like I’m having a panic attack — but I’m not panicking. These are just some of the symptoms I get with TM.

Mental illness can slow you down

At times I also experience:

• anxiety and depression
• when I’m sleep deprived I see and hear things that other people can’t
• suicidal thoughts
• psychomotor retardation which feels as if a dial has been turned to put you on slow speed. It varies in scope and severity and can affect movement, speech, reaction time, and thought process.

It’s definitely true for me that some days are worse than others, and I’ve had to learn to manage it all; be aware of triggers and symptoms.

It isn’t always easy, and I’m not sure if people who’ve never had a mental illness know how hard it is to maintain the equilibrium.

Where we might be going wrong

If you’re anything like me you still think like an able-bodied person, or you still feel like your only 40 when in reality you’re nearing 60. Your day might go something like mine:

• in the kitchen, making cake pops for our grandchildren……doing dishes and need to put wet dishcloths in the washing basket in the bathroom……..
• wipe hubby’s toothpaste from the mirror……….pick up the wet towel, now perspiring, go to the hall cupboard to get more toilet rolls because no one else ever replaces them ……..
• Breathe….. rinse a clean flannel under the cold tap and wrap around neck to cool down…….. see the soap dish needs cleaning, the shower cubicle……. oh, so do the taps………… slump to the bathroom floor for 10 minutes.
• On the way back to the kitchen note the duvet needs plumped up and the bedroom window needs opening……… In my haste, I’ve trodden on the shoes hubby leaves lying around. I lose my balance, bash my face on a door frame. It will bruise. Need to lie down….. on the already plumped up duvet.
• While resting I remember I need to ……. I can’t breathe…….
• Next, I walk towards……………… swoon……….come round on the floor, the sofa, or the bed…….. and hubby’s tugging at me……. he thinks I’m dead!

All this rushing around, pretending I’m fit and can still do everything at breakneck speed, has lead to many accidents.

I’ve got massive bumps, bruises, blisters and scars from dropping boiling hot coffee all over my lap and nether regions (Oh the shame at the hospital). Or from (unwittingly) kneeling in oven cleaning liquid, and constantly bashing myself as I race to get a million things done………

Chronic illness and the Spoon theory

You might have heard of the Spoon Theory by Christine Miserandino. She came up with this when one of her friends asked her what it really felt like to be sick.

It’s a helpful analogy of what it’s truly like to live with chronic illness or disability. The theory:

• effectively explains to others how your energy levels are limited when you have a chronic illness – using spoons!
• originally came about for physical illness but it also translates well to mental health and can be adapted accordingly.
• describes the energy needed each day, and the pain everyday tasks cause for someone with a chronic illness.
• explains that while it might not be physically evident that someone you love is struggling with anxiety, depression, or stress, their body and their energy levels are being severely impacted. We need much more energy to i.e. attend to our hygiene needs than someone who doesn’t have a chronic illness.
• started out with 10 spoons; each one equating to a unit of energy.

It might take a healthy person just 1 spoon to get up and ready for work, leaving 9 spoons (units of energy) to use throughout their day. But for someone like me, it took 1 spoon each to get out of bed, 1 to shower, 1 for my teeth, another to get dry and one to get dressed……. I’ve used all of my 10 spoons, I’m out of energy! And I haven’t even got out of the front door yet!

Pace yourself if you have a chronic illness – the theory

Having a chronic illness can often feel like we’re living on a roller coaster. We swing between intense symptoms and rest, in a frustrating cycle of push and crash.

I believe the Push-crash cycle originates from the founder of the Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) Self Help forum. However, I think it’s helpful to use for any Chronic illness. And rather than reinvent the wheel, I’ll use excerpts of his to explain the cycle:

“People who use this way of living with a chronic condition find themselves caught in a frustrating loop, swinging between overactivity and forced rest.

When their symptoms are low, they push to get as much done as they can, the overexertion triggers an increase in symptoms, which in turn leads to forced rest or a crash.

Resting is usually successful in reducing symptoms, but then, feeling frustrated at all they didn’t accomplish while resting, they plunge into another round of overactivity to catch up.”

Bruce Campbell, PhD, creator and Executive Director of the ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia Self-Help Program

So basically, when you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, frazzled or that you’re racing from one thing to another, learning how to slow down is maybe just what you need.

Understanding how we can pace ourselves

We know that marathon runners don’t run as hard as they can the whole way. They set a steady mile-eating pace early on, saving their energy reserves for the end of the race. You can do the same — as long as you take regular breaks. 

We’ll discover what we can do to pace ourselves in my next post 🙂

“When you intentionally slow down your days and your life, it helps you become more present and mindful in your days. And even better, when you’re not struggling just to keep up, life can be a lot more enjoyable!”

Melissa at Simple Lionheart Life

Over to you

Do you find yourself overwhelmed, exhausted, or wornout by your daily activities, whether it’s at work or at home, with or without a chronic illness? Are you finding it difficult to pace yourself, or do you even know how to? If you do, you might have some tips for the rest of us?

I look forward to reading your comments and I’m happy to answer in questions. In the meantime, take five minutes out…………. and breathe.

Caz

A big fat thank you to Jess at Beyond the front cover for nominating me for the Blogger Recognition Award, Yay! If you haven’t been over to visit Jess and her blog before please give it a go. She loves books and reading, and she does great book reviews!

Because Jess has a toddler on her hands now, I’m guessing she doesn’t get a whole load of time to blog as much. However, I love her book reviews and monthly roundup where she keeps us up-to-date and talks about all things close to her.

While I write about all things Mental Health, which can be quite distressing at times, it’s a breath of fresh air reading blogs like Jess’s Beyond the front cover.

If you know my blog, you’ll know how much I love the Blogger Awards. They give us an opportunity to nominate our fellow bloggers and hopefully put their blogs in the spotlight, encouraging you to drop by and say hello.

The Blogger Recognition Award Rules

• Thank the blogger that nominated you and give a link to their site

• Do a post to show your award

• Give a summary of how your blog started

• Give two pieces of advice for any new bloggers

• Select up to 15 other bloggers for this award

• Let each nominee know you’ve nominated them and give a link to your post

Give a summary of how your blog started

It took me years to actually start writing a blog. I had so many thoughts about what to write constantly whizzing around my brain, so I started writing them down.

Doh! I’d forgotten that I had 10 + years of diaries from my mental health nursing days tucked away somewhere.

Most of the time I don’t use the diaries though, as I have enough to write about — what with me becoming physically disabled and medically retired from the job I loved. Still, the diaries will come in handy when I run out of words 😉

I just started my blog with the Home and About Me pages, people actually read them, liked and commented on them. Whoop Whoop!

Two pieces of advice for any new bloggers

You might have lots of ideas for a new blog and if so, you might need to brainstorm to cut your list down.

However, in the end, write about what you love and know as it’s much easier and will show readers your enthusiasm and passion for your topic. They’ll feed off this and want to come back for more.

Read other blogs in your niche, check out what’s current in your field and just start writing. Don’t be like me, and wait almost 10 years!

Now for my nominees for the Blogger Recognition Award

I usually select new bloggers who’ve recently come to my attention, but this time I think I’ll switch it up a bit and pick a couple of blogs that I’ve been following (and thoroughly enjoying) for a while. My choices are:

Life All Day: Live like a pro

Fights MS daily

SeoulSister

Prisoner by no crime of my own

The tiny couch: wellness for all

There’s no obligation to take part of course, but I look forward to reading your answers if you do! Thank you for reading,

Over to you

What advice would you give to readers about starting a new blog? Some of you have been blogging for a while now — has your niche or blog evolved in unexpected ways? I look forward to your comments and I’m happy to answer any questions.

Until the next time…Caz x

A name for the “Blah” we’ve all been feeling is Languishing

A recent article in the New York Times (about the Blah we’ve all been feeling during the pandemic being called Languishing) has flooded the internet.

Have you or someone you know been feeling Blah during the pandemic? I suppose I have, and I know many in my family and friends circle have been feeling the same way.

We just didn’t know what it was called or that there was actually a word for the way we were all feeling. Now I do know, it makes sense; kind of.

So, what is this Blah or languishing we’ve been feeling?

Thesaurus.com and Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary suggest the following:

• withering
• fading
• flagging
• snivelling
• droopy
• listless
• tired
• sluggish……………

Mind you, I won’t be calling myself snivelling, droopy or withering any time soon. In fact, I’m not sure I’d use any of those descriptions, other than listless or tired perhaps, and fatigued — yes, that’s how I feel. Languishing tho’? I always associated that word with luxury, like languishing in the bath or on a beach? Okay, maybe not.

The author of “A name for Blah is languishing” writes

In psychology, we think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing. Flourishing is the peak of well-being where you have a strong sense of meaning, mastery and mattering to others. Depression is the valley of ill-being and you feel despondent, drained and worthless.

“Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It can dull your motivation and focus — and it may be the dominant emotion of 2021.”

Adam Grant, professor of management and psychology at the University of Pennsylvania

It’s the void between depression and flourishing — the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental health either.

You’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work. It appears to be more common than major depression — and in some ways, it may be a bigger risk factor for mental illness.

Languishing, like depression, is associated with significant psychosocial impairment in terms of perceived emotional health, limitations of activities of daily living, and workdays lost or cutback.

Changes post-Coronavirus

Since the start of Coronavirus, remote working and reliance on technology with no face to face contact have become increasingly common practice in workplaces around the world.

Coronavirus has had a huge impact on the way work environments have changed, and I dare say we’ll see further negative changes before it’s over. I imagine either reduced hours and/or more job loss post-Covid, meaning reduced income and more stress for some.

While I feel for anyone in this situation, unfortunately, there isn’t much we can do about these enforced changes. However, what we can do is look after ourselves mentally and physically, and look out for our loved ones, and be supportive where possible.

Be kind and show compassion to both yourself and others, and let’s all give ourselves the care and attention we’d give to them.

“If my thoughts or feelings were being expressed by a loved one or a friend, what advice would I give them?”

Me

How to spot signs of languishing

While not as severe and not its own mental health disorder, languishing could be one of the first warning signs of depression. Things to look out for, in yourself or others, and sooner rather than later, might be:

• Lack of motivation to i.e. exercise, work or complete household tasks
• Lack of interest in things that previously mattered
• Poor concentration i.e lose the plot of a story or t.v. programme
• Lack of excitement about the future
• Being stuck in a monotonous routine
• Not functioning at your fullest
• Indifference
• Loss of purpose

The spectrum of languishing to flourishing

Research identified 6 core components of psychological wellbeing that influence where someone falls on the spectrum (Keyes, 2002). How might you help yourself and others move from languishing towards flourishing in these areas?

1. Self-acceptance – liking most things about ourselves. If not, and this is important, jot down some of the things you like about yourself, and keep writing ’til you run out of words. Seeing the words can have a positive effect on your mental well-being.
2. Positive relationships with others – forming and maintaining warm, supportive, and trusting relationships with others. Think about those close to you and what you mean to each other.
3. Personal growth – seeing ourselves as becoming better people. Most of us strive to become better people. I love it when hubby tells people “she makes me want to be a better person!” It makes me feel good about me; that I’ve made a difference, even to one person.
4. Purpose in life – having a sense of direction or meaning in life. This one often gets to me, ‘cos when I was medically retired from the job I loved I felt I’d lost my purpose in life. However, blogging about, and as an advocate for all things mental health from both personal and professional experience helps.
5. Environmental mastery – feeling able to shape the world around us (at least to some extent) to meet our needs. If you live in a small space like me, you might have a few plants that you water and tend to. Or you may be lucky enough to have a garden and grow flowers, fruit or veg, and plants, and be able to sit out in the sun. While these are small ideas, lots of people flourish when gardening or when they feel the sun on their skin.
6. Autonomy – believing that we’re reasonably in control of what happens to us (i.e. rather than others, fate, or luck being totally in charge). Again, this one was difficult for me — but I’m back on track.

Don’t worry, to be considered flourishing, we don’t need to be highly rated in all areas of life at once.

Speak up

Understanding and identifying languishing can help us all shift this focus and have a conversation — sooner rather than later. That way people are supported back to positive mental health sooner and more efficiently.

If you or a loved one feels stuck and you’re not sure how to move forward, you might want to seek professional help, so contact your GP in the first instance.

Over to you

Have you been feeling Blah lately? What’re your thoughts about languishing? I look forward to reading your comments and answering any questions.

Caz

Do you live with chronic pain and depression?

If you’re living with chronic pain and depression, welcome aboard, you’re not alone. I’ve lived with both since a diagnosis of Transverse Myelitis (TM) since 2011.

Did you know that

• around 20% of people worldwide are affected by chronic pain
• chronic pain and depression commonly coexist
• one study showed that 60.8 % of people with chronic pain are likely to have severe depression too
• chronic pain accounts for 15% to 20% of visits to GP’s
• depression is the third most common reason for consultation with a GP and the most common mood complaint
• any pain that carries on for more than 12 weeks is classed as chronic

Dr Norman Kufakwaro, Consultant in Pain Medicine & Neuromodulation in the UK, says… Depression can be triggered or precipitated by chronic pain. As a result, individuals with chronic pain are at high risk of long-lasting emotional disturbances characterised by persistent low mood and anxiety.

Getting personal

I’ve lived with chronic pain and depressive episodes for 10 years now. I say episodes because while I’m always in terrible pain I’m not permanently depressed.

I have good and bad days and often my depression is reactive. I’m not good if I’m feeling overloaded, weighed down by tasks or too much is expected of me.

Where before I could multitask now I can only do one thing at a time, and complete only one major task per day.

A major task might be attending to my hygiene and even then, I feel faint after showering. Another might be trying to blow dry my hair, getting dressed, attending an appointment, going to the local shops or cooking a family meal (which I truly enjoy).

Unfortunately, it’s all I can cope with before I become utterly fatigued and unable to manage anything more. I like to think I do all this quietly, and without too much fuss, just taking myself off somewhere quiet to rest and recover.

Unlike my other half!! “Ow,ow, ouch, ooh,ah,ow, ow, owwwwwww, flippin’ ow!”

Other people’s pain

Now, I know pain in its many forms. Did I mention that I’ve lived with it for 10 years? Yes, well can someone tell hubby that! Please?! The poor love currently has a bad back.

Now, it’s clear to anyone, even with their eyes covered, that he’s in pain, (“Ooh, ow, ouch, oooooh…….. Aaah, help me. No, don’t move me. ……….”) and I feel for him. I really do.

But why the heck does he have to make so much bloody noise? Neighbours in a one-mile vicinity must imagine I’m killing him. Or perhaps that’s just wishful thinking — on their part, not mine 😉

I get it, I do, honestly. Pain hurts! But just take a damn tablet for crying out loud, until you get to see an osteopath or your GP. Make an appointment or just shut. the. hell. up! Okay, rant over, and back to those who live with chronic pain (quietly) and associated depression.

Supporting someone with a chronic illness

I just took a short break from this post to read that of a fellow blogger, also named Caz, at Invisibly Me. She’s written about supporting a loved one with a chronic illness — way better than I could, and you might want to read it. Just click on her logo. There’s no point in re-inventing the wheel, right!

New chronic pain symptoms

After recently moaning to my GP about what appears to be many new chronic symptoms, she organised an appointment with my neuro team. Said GP wasn’t happy that I’d apparently missed a follow-up appointment in February with my usual team.

Since I’d received my appointment letter about a year ago, was it any wonder I forgot! However, it turned out to be a stroke of luck for me.

I got to see a new Consultant, Dr Marta, who specialises in neuromuscular disorders such as my own Multiple Sclerosis (MS), and appeared to actually give a damn.

She suggested we start at the beginning and she took a full medical history then asked about these new symptoms. She then conducted a few physical tests and asked lots of questions before she explained what would happen next.

Whoop, whoop! If I could have skipped (I can’t) out of her office, I would’ve. I felt listened to and heard for the first time in years. If you’ve ever had to visit the medical profession for long periods of time, you might understand how some of them make you feel like you’re wasting their time!

Biopsychosocial approach to pain management

Dr Marta used what’s known as the Biopsychosocial approach which addresses pain (health) from multiple angles: physical, psychological, and emotional. The biopsychosocial (BPS) model was originally described in 1977 by George Engel, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Rochester. 

It uses what scientists know to be true about the connection between the brain and physical pain signals in order to change these signals over time. Quite honestly, I’m not sure.

It’s said that when it comes to recurring pain, the brain, nervous system, and body have locked into a painful cycle. The biopsychosocial approach educates pain sufferers on the patterns and habits that might be reinforcing the painful cycle and the powerful new patterns and habits that can break it. Hmmm!

The biopsychosocial approach has allegedly helped millions of people get rid of the real, physical pain in their bodies. The jury’s out on that one. But I’ll give it all a go.

Pain Management referrals

I’ve been referred to

• A two-hour Pain management class, which I’ve already attended and, no disrespect to the three medical professionals (Occupational Therapist and two 15-year-old Physiotherapists?), but it’s all stuff I knew already.
• Pain psychologist for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to find coping skills for dealing with the pain. On top of the MS pain, I also have Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS) and restless body syndrome (yes, it’s a syndrome) and I’ve tried absolutely everything to manage this kind of pain, without success. Here’s hoping.
• Dr Marta also requested another full MRI dye contrast to rule out any further attacks or changes since 2011. Some MRI scans involve having an injection of contrast dye. This makes certain tissues and blood vessels show up more clearly and in greater detail. Sometimes the contrast dye can cause side effects, such as: feeling or being sick. Oh, just great!
• Full bloods; 11 vials taken that day; to find any disease that may have caused the constant all over body pain.

Addiction to pain medication?

Dr Marta suggested that long-term use of Tramadol can cause this all over body pain which p’d off me quite a bit because, as I told her, I only take half the amount prescribed, and I cannot move in the mornings without it. She recommended that I stop the Tramadol

I was even more p’d off ‘cos hubby agreed with Dr Marta as that’s what happened to him when he used tramadol??? and — it’s addictive! Duh! He only used it for a month or so, and very little of it!

So — I tried going without Tramadol for the last three days. OMG! The pain was sheer torture! I could barely walk, bend, stand, sit, lie down or get comfortable. Can you imagine not one, but two people in excruciating pain, in the same room!

Last night I had to give in and take, not the two prescribed, just one Tramadol. Fortunately, I have a telephone appointment with the Pain Psychologist next week where I can have a chat, and look at other more effective ways to cope with the pain 😕

As many of you know, I was a Mental Health Nurse, Ward Manager, CBT Practitioner, and Mental Health First Aid (England) Trainer, so I have a relatively large toolbox of coping skills and different approaches to managing depression.

Furthermore, before my nursing career, I studied hypnosis, various forms of massage, mindfulness and visualisation…………………. so I’m aware of which self-help techniques either work for me (or don’t).

I’ve tried most things, including cannabis, which just makes me paranoid — yuk!. I’m finding it almost impossible to self-therapise (treat one’s self), so wish me luck with my upcoming therapies.

Over to you

Do you or someone you love live with chronic pain and/or depression? Can you relate? What coping skills do you use? Do they work?

I look forward to your comments and/or tips, and I’m happy to answer any questions.

#InvisibleIllness

Do you feel more irritable since lockdown?

Do you feel irritable, particularly since lockdown? Are you feeling more irritable than usual?

It might be lockdown, but there could also be a health condition, medical reason, or medication that’s causing your irritability. More of that later.

I’m so easily irritated these days. Anything from hubby leaving three pairs of footwear in the living room to the lady in the post office who appears to be paying all her bills in pennies…….. and I’m tetchy!

It can’t just be me? Surely? I don’t know if it’s the lockdown; not having the freedom to do as I wish or am able to. Like going to visit family (though I have been known to bend the rules a few times), just going out for a coffee or to the pub for a glass of wine.

Okay, I can drink coffee, and wine for that matter, at home. But I’m a people person, a people watcher and a social butterfly — I like to be doing.

While I continue to do things, it’s mainly cooking and baking. But this is having an adverse effect on my weight, and that’s making me irritable. Not to mention how hubby’s lip-smacking, slurping and chomping on these homemade goodies is making me even more cranky.

What is this irritability

Irritability is the tendency to get upset for reasons that seem – to other people – to be pretty minor. We might not even be able to explain it or know what we can do to reduce our snappiness. But we know it’s there. We might feel, or come across as:

• bad-tempered
• short-tempered
• quick-tempered
• agitated
• put out
• peeved
• tetchy
• snappy
• angry
• cranky
• moody
• impatient

Most of us have been snappy with others at some time or other, which is often followed by a wave of guilt because we’ve upset someone.

Address your irritability

But, if we’re not careful, our being constantly tetchy could cause massive issues in our lives. If we’re always saying things we don’t mean it can harm our relationships. We might become unproductive at work because we’re easily ticked off by our colleagues, so it’s essential we begin to address our irritability.

If someone calls you “grumpy” or “moody” there’s no point in snapping back “No I’m not!” That’s your opening, they’ve given you a chance to recognise how you’re coming across. You can accept it and apologise with “Yes, you’re right, and I’m sorry. I’m having a bad day,” or “Sorry, I’m feeling tetchy because……”

Maybe you don’t want them to know why you’re “grumpy” so you could just say something like “I’m sorry I snapped at you. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Instead, hubby puts out the cutlery, and you remind him (again) that the knives go on the right-hand side! He takes a huge breath and swipes all the cutlery to the floor, yelling “do it your effin’ self then!”

Yes, an ex of mine did this! It was a really minor criticism and technically I was right. But he just erupted! He was cranky and angry. Still, I felt guilty for having criticised him in the first place.

Stressful situations like lockdown make us feel irritable

In times of uncertainty, it can be easy for emotions to run high and you may feel like you’re at the end of your tether; like a volcano ready to erupt!

Stressful situations, like the USA Presidential election, Covid and lockdown or economic hardship etc can trigger feelings of dread, anger, and anxiety, which can also increase your risk of irritability.

I think most of us are feeling the effects of lockdown and all that goes with it. Even our little ones are fed up, not being able to see their friends, have birthday parties or go out to the cinema or old McDonald’s.

Friends report having moody teenagers, slamming doors and being more obnoxious than usual. Some say their little ones are fed up constantly sitting in front of the t.v.; they’re bored with the cartoons, and they’re cranky. Meanwhile, mum’s in another room trying to work from home, and she’s also tetchy.

What’s really going on for the agitated person

I love this excerpt from The School of Life — Behind most outbursts are cack-handed attempts to teach the other person something. There are things we’d like to point out, flaws that we can discern, remarks we feel we must make, but our awareness of how to proceed is panicked and hasty.

We give cack-handed, mean speeches, which bear no faith in the legitimacy of the act of imparting advice. And when our partners are on the receiving end of these irritable ‘lessons’, they of course swiftly grow defensive and brittle. Our suggestions seem more like mean-minded and senseless assaults on their very natures rather than caring, gentle attempts to address troublesome aspects of joint life.

Small things that can make us me irritable

When I haven’t slept for two or three days and when I’m in pain I become really cranky and I’m quick to snap at people. I can’t stand:

1. Those damn unsolicited phone calls
2. Waiting on the phone for ages, then the line goes dead
3. Those phone calls that tell you to “press no.1 for sales, press 2 for accounts, 3 for……. and after you’ve pressed the number for whatever service you need, you’re told, “press number 1 for …………………….” Aarrgghhhhh!
4. The smarmy receptionist who tells you “No we don’t have any NHS patient appointments for three-four months” I’ve called back and said I’ll go private and I can hear her smarminess, “Oh, that’s great, we have an appointment this afternoon!”
5. When you call large companies and they play their favourite music while you wait — there’s a picture developing here! I hate phones
6. My wi-fi going off for no apparent reason
7. My parcels get lost in the post or the postman leaves a note saying I wasn’t in! I’m always in!
8. Forgetting the millions of passwords or the new second authentication needed these days
9. People eating with their mouth open, and making lots of chomping, lip slapping or slurping noises
10. Trying to open the sellotape
11. People rattling sweet packets or whispering loudly in the cinema
12. Those drivers that think we’re all mind readers so they don’t use their indicators
13. That person in front of you paying all their monthly bills with loose change
14. When people allow their kids to misbehave in theatres, the cinema or restaurants — then they smile at you like “aren’t my kids so cute!”
15. Sales assistants chatting away to their colleagues, pretending that you’re not there
16. Hubby talking all through my programmes, asking inane questions when he’s not even remotely interested
17. Hubby putting yummy foods in front of me when I’ve already said I’m not hungry or I’ve had enough for today — see I have this terrible habit of eating whatever’s in front of me — you’ll always find me by the food at parties. That irritates me too
18. Hubby slurping hot drinks and soup, smacking his lips and trying to talk with his mouth full
19. Hubby leaving the top off the toothpaste and the bathroom mirror all smeared
20. Hubby shoving sweet packets or socks down the side of the sofa? What’s all that about?

Maybe it’s just me who finds hubby’s quirks odd?

Irritability can be caused by many things

But sometimes, feeling irritable may have nothing to do with life’s challenges according to Thehealthy.com. Everything from a lack of sleep to certain medications could be to blame.

So, the next time you ask yourself “why am I so irritable?” understand there could be a medical reason for your moodiness. You could contact your doctor who’ll ask you some questions and let you know if there’s an underlying issue for your irritability.

I’m in constant pain due to Transverse Myelitis and I get tetchy easily and quite often 🙁 So I’m constantly having to apologise to hubby. But what irritates me is that, even when he knows he’s in the wrong, he won’t apologise! He’s a sulker 😉

Next time, let’s take a look at ways to relieve our irritability.

Over to you

You’ve seen how tetchy I get, so what makes you irritable? Can you share with us? And how do you relieve it?

I look forward to hearing what you think and I’m always happy to answer any questions. In the meantime, stay safe and well.

Caz