Self-help for managing distressing thoughts and feelings

Are you prone to distressing thoughts and feelings?

If you are, you might want to try Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). CBT is a form of talking therapy which can be used to treat people who are experiencing various mental health problems.

CBT focuses on the relationship between our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The guiding principle of this therapy is that our thoughts influence our feelings, which determine our behavior. Thus, to change behavior, we must change our thoughts

CBT is based on the idea that how we think (cognition), how we feel (emotion) and how we act (behaviour) all interact together. Specifically, our thoughts determine our feelings and our behaviour. CBT helps help people to change disruptive thoughts, behaviours and feelings in order to successfully navigate the challenges that life presents.

While CBT is normally offered by qualified therapists, there’s often a long wait before you’re offered an appointment via the NHS. But while you wait there’s no reason why you can’t start using some of the basic techniques to help you manage your distressing thoughts and feelings — right now.

ABC model of CBT to manage distressing thoughts and feelings

Psychologist Dr Albert Ellis created the ABC model; a CBT technique used for analysing our thoughts, behaviour, and emotions/feelings.

When we learn to use the ABC model, we can begin to intervene and take control of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Its name refers to the components of the model. Here’s what each letter stands for:

(A)   Activating event/trigger – The actual event and your immediate interpretations of the event.

(B)   Beliefs about the event – This evaluation can be rational or irrational and correct or incorrect.

(C)   Consequences – How you feel, and what you do or what other thoughts follow.

Here is an example of a negative belief/perspective:

1. What is the Activating Event? i.e. My friend passes me in the street one afternoon and doesn’t smile, wave or even acknowledge me.

2. What is your Belief about that event? What thoughts do you have? i.e. I believe that she’s just being rude or is upset with me about something that happened last week.

3. What feelings do you have when you think that? i.e. I feel resentful that she ignored and I’m scared she’ll say something negative about me to our mutual friends.

Here is an example of a positive belief/perspective:

At this point, you go back to:

1. The activating event, which remains the same, but then you challenge the automatic thought that you had about the event.

2. What else could that event mean? Identify other possible beliefs or explanations. Try to at least give a neutral explanation. I.e. She might just be having a bad day because she’d had to work through lunch, and was now focused on grabbing a quick snack for the bus home. Whatever it was, she was probably just too distracted to say hi and will probably call later for a catch-up.

3. What feelings do you have when you think that the alternatives are possible? I.e. I feel reassured that she’s not holding onto the event from last week and I feel safe that she won’t talk about me behind my back.

4. How does your behavior change as your feelings change? Example: I don’t waste my time thinking about something that has nothing to do with me.

Activating events/triggers DO NOT cause your emotions

The underlying idea behind the ABC model is that “external events (A) do not cause emotions (C), but beliefs (B) and, in particular, irrational beliefs (IB) do”

The B is considered to be the most important component because CBT focuses on changing beliefs (B) in order to create more positive consequences (C). Often there isn’t much we can do about the activating event or adversity (A) as that’s normally out of our control.

This is a very basic form of CBT and, as with a more intensive form of the technique, it can only work if you are open to changing your thoughts and understand and accept that your thoughts influence your behavior.

The ABC 3 colum form is a staple CBT worksheet, and you can use something like this — with or without the pretty baubles.

ABC Model to help you manage distressing thoughts and feelings

The ABC technique is designed to collect information about what led to a specific distressing belief/thought. On a blank piece of paper, write along the top column (1) Activating event, column (2) Belief, and column (3) Consequences.

An example of how the model might be used to describe a particular situation is given below:

Activating event (A) trigger Write down the event or situation that triggered your thoughts and feelings.	Beliefs/thoughts (B) Write down the thoughts that went through your head when the activating event occurred (or after it)	Consequences/action (C) Actions How did you act then? Emotions What did you feel then?
My boss asked if I’d completed a project yet.	My thoughts were: “He thinks I’m too slow” or “He’s always on my back.”	I retorted defensively, saying that I’m nearly finished. I felt angry.

You could turn your belief of the above situation around. As already mentioned, you can’t often control the activatting event (A) but you could change your belief/thought (B) to a more rational and neutral one i.e. “My boss hasn’t complained before so maybe he’s just making conversation, or assessing to see whether I need more time.” The consequences (C) wouldn’t feel so dire i.e. You might feel more relaxed and ask him if it’s urgent, how urgent it is, can you have more time?”

This reflection will challenge your negative beliefs and hopefully, your angry feeling will dissipate.

ABCDE model to further change your negative thoughts/beliefs

Over and above the ABC model, there’s the ABCDE model too — D meaning to dispute negative thoughts and E for exchanging you negative beliefs/thoughts (B) to something more rational and nuetral. See how you can use this model to effectively make positive changes to your negative beliefs — in my next post!

Over to you

What do you think? Are you familiar with the explanation of the ABC model? In which situations would you apply this tool? Do you recognize irrational thoughts on a personal level? How can the ABC model help you?